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HUMOROUS SMARTYPANTS WITH MUSCLES

You know, you can rent ATVs in Mexico for real cheap. No driver's license necessary, just jump on and hit the gas pedal.

I did this with a group of friends. They're horrifying machines but a lot of fun to ride due to their utter lack of safety and sanity.

They don't even have a power switch. My guess is they figured out some way to turn your dignity directly into gasoline as soon as you hop on, and then you never get any of it back.

You could probably attach angel wings to the front of it and nobody would find you less insane. Quite symbolic, if you think about it.

Wait, was this supposed to be a self-summary? Alright, fine:

I'm not perfect, thankfully, because then I'd be incredibly boring. Here are a few imperfect facts:
-- My pinky toe nails are cracked and ugly. Sorry if that matters.
-- If I let my beard grow out for more than three days, I start to find myself confused and frightened by modern technology.
-- My left index finger has a large callous due to years of pressing drum sticks against it.
-- My chest hair grows in spirals and has been known to cause fits of dizziness.
-- The inside of my fridge is consistently stocked with at least four different kinds of cheese. That's actually not a flaw; that's the way all fridges should be.

I should say that despite occasionally needing a step ladder to reach the top shelf, I do have my shit completely together. Strong career plans, an actual source of income, no debt, no criminal record, no crazy ex-girlfriends, the knowledge of how to cook/clean/do laundry, and the ability to identify good vs bad hummus. Basic list of requirements really.

WHAT I'M DOING WITH MY LIFE:
I'm working on film sets in graduate school and love every second I'm not scalding my hands on 1000 watt halogen bulbs. You've probably seen me before actually. Remember that short guy with the black and yellow winter hat walking behind those two kids shooting paintball guns at Seth Rogen in "Zak and Miri Make A Porno?"

No I'm not an actor. Yes I often cast myself in my own films. No it's not because I'm vain. Yes it's because no one else was free at 3am on a Wednesday.

I do a bit of writing when I have the time and I like to play pool even though I royally suck in two out of every three games.
I make an effort to try new things whenever I can, because frankly, they're usually either interesting or fun.

In the last two years, I hiked a 5000 foot mountain in Alaska, got bashed against the rocks while snorkeling in Mexico, dined with the tribal Chief of Tahiti at his home, camped in the desert with a Bedouin tribe, and got salt in my eyes in the Dead Sea. This year? Hopefully adventuring through Europe if my agent lands me another cruise ship gig for the summer; I worked as a drummer on them for the last few years. If not, then probably a trip to Arizona.

I’M REALLY GOOD AT:
-- being the only guy on a film shoot to come prepared
-- fixing more or less everything in my apartment - like the heat, dryer, stove, and garbage disposal
-- cooking, especially chicken schnitzels, matzah balls, grilled sandwiches, and pasta dishes I make up on the fly. Cheese goes on almost everything. Yes, I am planning to die of a heart attack.
-- evoking seizures simply by playing a set of drums. Some call it dancing, but they clearly aren't seeing what I am.
-- immediately totaling 24 using basic math on any four digits between 1 and 9. Beyond useless, yes, but I'm the Rain Man when it comes to this.

THE FIRST THINGS PEOPLE USUALLY NOTICE ABOUT ME:
First would probably be the Bradley Cooper like hair-cut. Yes that's gel holding that in place. Yes I use a hair dryer.

Following this is the stupid grin that makes me look like a village idiot.

Later, you will notice my ass, which is fantastic. I can sit on that thing like nobody's business. It's cool, you can grab it; I don't mind.

I SPEND A LOT OF TIME THINKING AOUBT:
How the Chief of Tahiti managed to get a driver's license with a note imprinted on it that says "This man is not to be detained."

I noticed this when he passed his license over his shoulder to me in the back seat, guzzled a beer, and veered the Toyota Camry he was driving us in up a steep hill. A cassette tape of "The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round" played on the stereo.

I couldn't make that up if I tried.

ON A TYPICAL FRIDAY NIGHT I AM:
Finding something to do that will make a good story later.

THE MOST PRIVATE THING I'M WILLING TO ADMIT:
I'm not a jackass. I mean, at times -- sure. Who isn't? But I don't find it fun to be cruel and antagonistic.

No, no, being confusing is much more entertaining. I was that kid who'd ask "How tall is the Empire State Building?" during math class, or "How many calzones could I buy with $1000?" in the middle of English. My peers thought I was mentally retarded. Guess they couldn't tell I was messing with everybody out of boredom; and this is something I still do regularly.

Also, I flat out refuse to wear green corduroys on Saturday afternoons. I am dead serious about that. You buy me green corduroys, you best not have them around on a Saturday.

YOU SHOULD MESSAGE ME IF:
If you have a truly God-awful pickup line to try on me. The worse, the better.

If you think the idea of trying to read a book while drunk is fun.

If you are amazing at giving piggyback rides.

If you're amused that I purposely keep every clock in my apartment wildly out of sync with each other just to freak out my roommates.

If you wanna share a French baguette and people-watch in Washington or Rittenhouse Square.

If you think politicians should wear Halloween costumes when they speak publicly.

If you're awesome and you know it.

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Appearance

EthnicityCaucasian / White
National heritageAmerican
BuildAthletic / toned
Height5' 4" (163 cm)
Eye ColorHazel
Hair ColorDark blonde
Hair LengthShort
Best featureSmile
Body ArtNone
Health ConditionNo problems

Situation

Relationship StatusSingle
Has childrenNo children
Wants kidsNot sure
Housing SituationFriends come over occasionally
Living ArrangementsWith roomate(s)
Wants to RelocateMaybe
Has a carNo

Education & Employment

EducationUniversity Masters
SpecialtyArt / Music / Literature
Employment StatusStudent
Job TitleCruise Ship Musician / Independent Filmmaker

Leisure & Fun

TV preferencesDramas, Situation comedies, Movies, Sports, Re-runs
Favorite TV showsKids in the Hall, Sandbaggers, Blackadder, Homicide, Sopranos, Breaking Bad, Fawlty Towers, Seinfeld, Simpsons, Secret Agent, Singing Detective, Brideshead Revisited, The Wire
Favorite movies typesAction, Science fiction, Comedy, Drama, Horror, Thriller, I'm a movie actor
Favorite moviesMachinist, Usual Suspects, Blade Runner, Blues Brothers, Amelie, The Sting, Terminator, Big Lebowski, Solaris (Russian), To Live and Die in LA, Midnight in Paris, Trainspotting, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Pi, Following, American Psycho
Music typesRock, Jazz, Latin
Favorite artistsLevel 42, Louis Jordan, Paquito D'Rivera, Beatles, Clifford Brown, Earth Wind & Fire, Men at Work, Michael Jackson, Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix, Weather Report, Dire Straits, Phil Gould, Gene Krupa, Horace Silver, Art Blakey
Reading selectionFantasy, Fiction, Humor, Music, Mystery, Satire, Science fiction
Favorite booksThe Magus, Spy Who Came in From the Cold, Alice in Wonderland, Shogun, Heart of Darkness, The Assault, Night Ride, Nightmares and Geezenstacks, Bel-Ami, The Shining, The Godfather, Comfort of Strangers, Glengarry Glen Ross, Death of A Salesman, Catch-22
Idea of funMeeting new people to try and see new things in the city with -- strange foods, interesting art galleries, obscure films, variety music concerts, improv comedy clubs...

Playing the drums (i.e. evoking seizures -- some call it dancing but they clearly aren't seeing what I am).

Traveling the world trying various new experiences; in the last two years, I hiked 5000 foot mountains in Alaska, dined with the tribal Chief of Tahiti, camped out in the desert with a Bedouin tribe, got salt in my eyes at the Dead Sea, and got smashed against the rocks while snorkeling in Mexico.
HobbiesArts & Crafts, Reading, Music, Movies, Internet, Games, Dining, Photography, Theater, Travel, Cooking, Playing cards

Personality

SmokerDon't smoke
DrinkingLight / social drinker
Social behaviorFunny
Friends describe asCool
In High School I was a(n)Cool dude
Sense of humorClever
My great timeHanging out with friends, Partying, Trying new things, The movies, Relaxing, Going to a concert, Going to a museum
Always wanted to tryMalaysian food, the Philadelphia Art Museum, traveling to the Baltic and the Far East...

Views

Political viewsI don't like politics
ReligionNone
Attend religious servicesNever
Goal in lifeTo pursue my passions in order to maintain a happy, productive, and positive mindset, and to make great friends along the way.

Looking For

Must haveIntelligence, Good Looks, Humor, Great skills, Empathy, Sensitivity, Boldness, Oddities, Spontaneity, Power, Flirtatiousness, Wit, Thoughtfullness
Look for in a partnerKindness, honesty, communication, equal treatment, a sense of humor, zero sense of entitlement, a kinky side...
On the first dateI have nice ideas for it - I'd rather surprise you.